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praphit · 5 years ago

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Ad Astra: Dammit, Brad!

Just Ad some Astra, people! - and everything will be alright. There's a joke there somewhere; it's not in what I just said, and wherever it is, it's probably a bad one, but it's there! Sometimes, I like jokes that are bad. We all have a family member or two who tell the same bad joke over and over again, but love them for it. Or sometimes it'll be the same joke that people tell at work, you know?? - about the weather, or the weekend or something:

I'm always hearing jokes like "I'm off to HR. So-and-so grabbed my butt again. They'd better fire his ass this time!" - AND THEN WE’D ALL LAUGH. ... ... in retrospect, that's not really a joke. ... Ok, better example - sometimes people will be like "Oh no! My wife is leaving me. She found me in bed with another woman... she's taking the kids." - AND THEN WE’D ALL... ... Hmm... I 'm starting to realize what assholes we've been. But, y’all know what I mean, right? There are jokes that are bad, and then there are bad jokes! *sigh* That leads me to this movie.

Brad Pitt, baby! Look at those eyes! Damn he's pretty! I hope I look that good when I'm his age. I'm here for them sending Brad Pitt anywhere. Send him to the jungle - I'm there! Send him under water - I'm there! So, of course, if you're sending him to space - I'm there! The prob is, it's a bad joke. They sent him to space and he didn't do nothing! - I mean NOTHING! All he did was float around and narrate. Idc how pretty he is, nobody wants to watch that!

Brad Pitt, with this movie, joins that special list of actors:

with Tom Hanks, and Meryl Streep, and George Clooney, and Denzel.

We love them. They're extremely talented. Critics love them. AND their movies are boring as hell - this one is no different. Don't believe me?? - go to RT and you'll see a critical rating of around 80% and an audience rating of around 46% (tho it might be less by now). Normally, I say the truth is in the middle, which is still in the 60's, so... yeah, "Ad Astra", everybody *slow clap*

There's a lot of beauty to behold in this flick (especially in the beginning), so it might win awards in that arena, but damn the plot and characters! Dag gon you, Brad Pitt! It's not his fault that the movie is boring. It IS his fault for being in this boring movie.

Brad's character has daddy issues, and decides to work them out in space. Critics will say how deep this movie is... this ain't deep. Brad, your dad is a jerk - THE END.

Either make peace with that fact or say "bleep it" and move on with your life - don't drag us along for this boring ride.

Dammit, Brad!

You could have been a diva! You could have been like "I know we're in space, but imma take off this suit, and my shirt... trust me, the ladies will love that. I'm Brad Pitt. And I know in this scene there are dangerous highly flammable substances around, but Brad Pitt needs a smoke; make it work in the story! I know this is an Oscar craving drama, but I feel like fightin a mutha bleeper or two. Hey you! Yeah! Jamie Kennedy! Donald Sutherland! I've always wanted to punch y'all. Let's fight! Come here! I'm Brad Pitt! Where ya going?!

Hey, Liv Tyler!

Where the hell have you been? I know this scene doesn't call for it, but let's you and me make sweet, sweet love. What?! Why not?! I'm Brad Pitt!"

But, instead he kept his mouth shut (except for when the director made him narrate in monotone), and just floated around in space. Every now and then, Ruth Negga would appear or Tommy Lee Jones... and every now and then something beautiful would appear, but then back to Brad's thoughts about daddy in space.

DAMMIT, BRAD!

I mean...

I....

*deep sigh*

Grade: D

Plus, we've already made this movie! - several times! It doesn't have to be complex. They did... what was it? - Armageddon, with um... Bruce Willis, and... Ben Affleck...

... and wasn't Liv Tyler in that too? - Was that her last movie? And I think Chris Tucker showed up and started singing... with a crazy hairdo... that doesn't sound right at all, but that's what I remember.

They did Apollo 13!

The Hanky Pank Man went into space and probably won an Oscar or something.

Didn't Ryan Gosling go into space recently?

I don't remember much of that movie. He was probably crying, cuz that's his strength. He builds up to a cry for the whole movie, then at the end he makes us cry with him. Sorry, cuz that's pretty much a spoiler for all of his movies.

Matthew McConaughey went into space... something about time travel or something, I think.

Was Liv in that too?! Maybe she has actually been stuck in space. All of these movies are connected - they're just trying to get Liv Tyler out of space and back into Hollywood.

... nah, it was some other pretty pale white woman.

Sandra Bullock went into space.

She floated around for a while... but she didn't do that for hours whining about daddy issues like a lil bitch, BRAD PITT! (sorry, again, not your fault). SANDRA eventually did stuff... though I can't remember what. I remember ghost George Clooney ( at least I think he was a ghost) showing up in her space pod ... and then he made them both space martini's,

and.... and then she took off her pants. There was a butt shot, and roll credits.

Again, that doesn't sound right, but that's what I remember. Why did she take off her pants? Or is that what ladies do when in the presence of Clooney?

And I think Mark Hamill might have went into space and did some stuff as well.

I seem to have forgotten a lot about these movies, but that's kinda my point! Just go up into space, do some shit, and come back! We're going to forget most of it anyway; just entertain us in the moment! You don't just go into space and float around, BRAD PITT!

DAMMIT, Brad! Those are hours of my life wasted listening to you drone on and on about NOTHING!

Again, I'm projecting my anger onto Brad, but it's not really his fault.

A better movie would have been this -

Brad decides to go to space, and take with him a handful of other actors who got stuck playing boring roles. They'll all revisit one of their more memorable exciting characters:

Brad - Tyler Durden

Hanks - Woody

(yep, yep... that’s weird)

Streep - the witch from "Into the Woods"

Denzel - the guy from Training Day

(Wow, did they think Denzel was going to grow into that jacket during filming?)

Clooney - Batman

(his nipple game was immaculate)

Let's put Damon in there, cuz... yeah... - he'll play... what part was it when his movies started to... you know... ??? Was it "The Informant!"? He'll play that guy.

We still need more color, I think. And another woman... a lil older... um... Rosie Perez!

I hear that she's coming back to acting. Maybe I shouldn't call it a come back, but... has she done anything since "White Men Can't Jump"? or had she been in space with Liv Tyler? She's supposed to be in that "Birds of Prey" movie next year... why they grabbed her for that movie when she hasn't done anything in like 40 years, idk. BUT, she's going to be in MY movie dag gonit! - she'll play... Idk, we'll just throw a "White Men Can't Jump" T-shirt on her, and give her a basketball.

BOOM! The team!

They'll go into space in hopes to do something interesting or fun or.. something that generally doesn't suck ass.

And why does it always have to be about exploring the moon or mars? And why do we only meet stereotypical aliens? There always either cute and marketable or they want to kill us.

We wouldn't even have to go the alien angle. What about other entities? Ooo! Or what about God? Scientists often joke that they haven't yet found some white bearded old man surfing through space yet. But, what if they did?

How about this?!

Brad and his team find Jesus and the Holy Ghost surfing through the cosmos, looking for the Father.

(Jesus played by Lil Wayne and HG played by... Lady Gaga - sure)

BUT the Father (spoiler alert) is actually on earth. He came down in the form of... idk... Neil Degrasse Tyson.

Btw - did y'all know that Neil was Metoo'd? Somehow I had missed that. So, the Father takes that form, somehow forgets that he's God... maybe gets metoo'd, and now Jesus and the HG have to look for him. Brad and his gang have an interesting encounter with them, and end up joining their quest, and in the process come across... idk... a malfunctioning Optimus Prime (crossover, baby!) with a thirst for blood and vengeance!

All of that stuff gets handled in about 2 hours or so, and Brad Pitt and friends come back to earth and do a musical number with BTS.

THAT, Bradley is how you do it!

DAMMIT, Brad!

To be fair, "Once upon a time in Hollywood" is good! So, maybe we'll look back and give Brad a pass for this.

Sooooo, hit me up, and let's make THAT movie, Brad!

Annnnd don't make no more bullshit. Thanks.

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pozolegirl · 6 years ago

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I'm sure you've probably gotten this before, but do you have any webcomic recs?

Sorry it took so long to reply!!! I’ll make a list for you!

Disclaimer now though, this blog is totally SFW but some of the webcomics I read have language or slightly more nsfw elements to them.

1. I Love Yoo

So fantastic, a good drama with a hilarious and amazing main character. I really love this one. It’s got angst and drama and romance, all really well made!

2. Boyfriend of the Dead

HILARIOUS, I love the idea for it, and I’m excited to see where it goes. I really enjoy this zombie story. (I usually can’t handle them haha) (Also, the art style is simple enough that any ‘gore’ in it, isn’t hard core and pretty safe for anyone)

3. Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell

Another comedy that is really funny. Not a ton of episodes so far, but really great.

4. Hooky

I’m not done reading through this one yet! I was originally drawn by the cute and beautiful art, and I thought it was just going to be a cute happy go lucky comic, but DANG it’s getting more and more intense and it’s a cool mix of fairy tales and witchy folk lore. I really enjoy it.

5. True Beauty

This one is hilarious. I know it’ll get more serious as it goes on, but honestly, the use of memes and expressions are amazing. It’s about a girl who is a slave to makeup basically, and I have a feeling she’s going to become more comfortable with herself as it goes on. :)

6. The Strange Tales of Oscar Zahn

Absolutely incredible, very spooky but still heart warming and interesting. The art work is phenomenal, and the stories are amazing. I highly recommend this one.

7. Cat Loaf Adventures

To be perfectly honest, I can only handle this one in small doses because I... am not a fan of pun humor. But the art is super super cute and it’s a very sweet comic that is fun.

8. Lore Olympus

Absolutely gorgeous art, a very interesting retelling of Hades and Persephone, that is semi modern based and IDK just very very artsy. I adore it with all my heart. It does deal with sensitive subjects though, beware.

9. Tales of the Unusual

Alright, I actually read so many horror comics, I love them so much. This one is probably my favorite that I’ve found besides Junji Ito’s work. The short horror stories in this comic are more psychological based, and it really comes across as Twilight Zone-y to me. I really enjoy it, and I’m not finished reading it all the way through. (The story with the old man seeing his dead wife’s memories made me straight up sob for like an hour while reading it, LOL) (Most of the stories are creepy though)

10. Siren’s Lament

I’ve been following this one for years, it’s always been beautiful and exciting. If you like mermaid stories, COME READ THIS.

11. Miss Abbott and the Doctor

THIS COMIC IS LIKE CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL, IT IS THE SWEETEST MOST LOVELIEST LITTLE ROMANCE YOU’LL EVER READ, EVERYONE IS SO CHARMING AND THE MAIN CHARACTERS MAKE ME SO HAPPY, AND THE ART STYLE IS SO CUTE, PLEASE READ THIS COMIC.

12. My Boo

Despite the less encouraging title, (it’s a pun) this comic is such a beautiful, thoughtful, and sweet story about a girl who falls in love with a ghost. It is completed, and it’s so wonderful.

13. Bastard

An absolute masterpiece, one of my all time favorite comics, and AUUUGH IT’S JUST REALLY GOOD. Super sketchy though, please be wary. This comic is about a boy who’s father is a serial killer. He has to protect the girl he has a crush on from becoming the next victim. Lots of gore, a very intense thriller, I’ve read it twice now it’s amazing. (And completed!!!)

14. Third Shift Society

I found this one awhile ago, and it’s really cute! I mean, it’s kind of horror, it’s about ghost hunters and stuff, but I love the main two characters. One of them has a jackolantern for a head. :)

15. STAGTOWN

Another fantastic horror comic. It’s only gone through one arc of story and the new one is starting (and looks even more horrifying than the last one) and I’m SO READY. It’s very creepy and very good.

16. Edith

This one is currently being edited and will be posted as a featured comic sometime soon, so it’s kind of on hiatus? But I’m really excited for it, I love it so much. It looks like an exciting romance, and I relate to the main character on an almost uncomfortable level sometimes. >_>” It does deal with more adult themes, FYI. I love the art style so much, it’s so cute.

17. Unlucky as Lucky Does

This one is hilarious. It’s a comedy and the art is done by such a talented artist, who mixes simple random styles with gorgeous detailed work, it always makes me laugh. I love the main group of characters and I hope I get to read their adventures for a long time.

18. Dazer and Eleanor

I found this beautiful (SO BEAUTIFUL AND DETAILED) comic awhile ago, it’s a sweet little slow burn romance, and since then I’ve become friends with the author! She inks everything traditionally, and it’s mesmerizing to see how detailed all of her panels are. She works really hard, and it pays off, definitely check it out!

Alright now time for some webcomics that are not on webtoons.

1. Mias and Elle

I’ve followed this artist for A VERY long time, and her art is just gorgeous. I love this little comic so much, and I hope I get to read it for a long time! Definitely has some adult themes in it, nothing too crazy yet, but eeehhhhh I feel like it might get there, haha.

2. Countdown to Countdown

WOW this art is absolutely incredible and I the story is engaging and exciting so far. I’m really excited to see where it goes. Please check it out, just LOOK AT THE ART, IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. It inspires me so much. The artist is on tumblr too, @velinxi , you may have seen some of their beautiful fanart before.

3. Anacrine Complex

A gorgeous comic by @lightlybow, I’ve followed it for years now. (You’re amazing Sae) The panels are always so beautifully built, the art is exciting and beautiful to look at, and the story is very interesting! I love it!

So I know there are some I missed, and there are a ton of comics I didn’t add to this list, but here’s a little compilation for now! :)

#recs #rec #webcomics #meeskanese

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calliecat93 · 6 years ago

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RWBY V6 CH13 (Season Finale) Review: Our Way

Well... we made it guys. RWBY Volume 6 Chapter 13. The grand finale. It feels like we just began, but still like it was so long ago. It's been one Hell of a ride. Train crashes, traumatic flashbacks via blue genie ladies, Zombie Grimm, confirmed lesbians, mechas, a VERY satisfying villain death, and now a kaiju. It's been quite a journey, and now it's time to bring it to a close. Can our heroes save the day? Can they catch their dreams together and keep rising like the moon? For the final time this volume, lets find out.

Overview

We begin... not in Argus. No, we're in some kind of forest area where we see a Mistral airship arrive. Turns out it got snatched by Neo, who they FINALLY gave a new outfit. It looks really good! She's not the only one as Cinder makes her appearance... and not gonna lie, she's pretty damn hot. She's very pleased with how things are going, especially when Neo uses her power to mask the ship as an Atlas ship. Which will make their infiltration of Atlas all the easier. As she climbs aboard, Cinder comments on how sometime ago, someone asked her if she believed in destiny. If you all recall, she replied yes... and she's happy to say that she still does. Haha... I can't wait for this to be the equivalent of Adam's “It's time I get what I deserved” line for when Ruby kicks your sorry ass! Seriously, I gave the middle finger to this scene. Screw you Cinder.

Okay, back to Argus! Cordovan is furious, repeatedly putting the blame on Ruby and the team for causing all of this. Blake and Yang rejoin the group as Weiss points out that they just took out the one thing that can stand a chance against the Leviathan. Everyone boards the ship as the Atlas Military fight the Grimm off, even activating a hard light shield around the city. Cordovan continues her rantings as her men call for her help. Blake tearfully apologizes to everyone as the ship takes flight, blaming herself as if Adam hadn't interfered, they'd have gotten out with no issues. Yang tells her to not blame herself and Ruby telling her that all that matters is that she's safe. The two even have a cute little hug! Aww!

Maria points out that with the military occupied, this is THE perfect chance to get by and continue to Atlas. But of course by doing so, they leave the chance of the Grimm killing everyone in Argus. Ruby opens her mouth, clearly about to refuse... but her teammates reply first. All three refuse to run. They are Huntresses, and they will fight until the bitter end to protect everyone. Maria seems pleased by this, but things are still not good as the Leviathan's fire breath tears straight through the shields. If it breaks through all of them, then Argus is as good as destroyed. Therefore, Ruby knows what she has to do. She calls out to Atlas' forces, telling them that she is a Huntress and that she can weaken it. How? Well... remember Maria's comments about Ruby needing a trial by fire to train her Silver Eyes? Well my friends, the trial has come.

Maria starts to comment on how she didn't mean like this, but Ruby isn't hearing it. She was able to use the Eyes at Beacon and at Brunswick, so she believes that she can do this. The Argus base, due to the ship being deemed hostile, refuse to aid them. So what does Ruby do? Decide that they'll do ti themselves. With Ren and Jaune keeping the ship masked, the plan is to get before the Leviathan and for Ruby to Silver Eyes blast it. It' a good plan... but by the time they get there, the Leviathan has charged up another attack. They're forced to pull back and both Jaune and Ren's already weakened Auras break. With no one sure of what to do now, Ruby looks to Weiss, a new plan formed.

As Yang and Nora shoot at the Leviathan to keep ti distracted, Weiss summons the Queen Lancer. Ruby hops on, telling herself that she can do this as she flies before the Leviathan. She closes her eyes, even throwing out her earpiece when Yang tries to reach out to her, and begins to think back through her memories. She thinks of the ones she loves like her father, her teammates, her friends, Penny... all the memories that make her feel happy and the urge to protect. But as she does, the darker memories begin to fill her mind. Seeing Jaune's broken state in V4, Yang's broken state at the end of V3, the sight of Yang in the V3 finale. And of course the deaths of both Pyrrha and Penny. All of these BTW use these 2D manga-style images. I honestly would have preferred they just use clips or stills of these moments... but they still look nice. But with the reminder of those dark moments, Ruby's concentration breaks. The Leviathan takes notice of her, and it prepares to attack.

Realizing that she is in trouble, Ruby takes notice of the Lamp. In panic, she calls out Jinn's name. Time freezes aside from herself, and she apologizes for she does not have a question to ask. She needed the time freezing power of Jinn's summoning to buy herself time. Jinn knows this, and decides to grant a pass on her summoning, but she will not allow so again. She DOES however compliment Ruby on her cleverness. With extra time now bought, Ruby again closes her eyes and remembers. This time, she is smiling in confidence as she remembers all the happy moments from the past volumes. Time begins to move again as she remembers those she loves, her team, JNPR, Qrow, Oscar, even Maria. It all culminates to a vision of one person in particular in the only Maya-animated shot of this flashback. We sees a white-cloaked woman standing at a familiar cliff-side, red and white rose petals flying around her as she turns around. Yes everyone, we have finally gotten our first glimpse of Ruby's mother, Summer Rose. With that and all of these thoughts in her mind and a new song titled Indomitable playing, Ruby unleashes the power of her Silver Eyes. With one massive blast,t he Leviathan is turned to stone. The Argus citizens cheer as Ruby can take in a sigh of relief... well, almost.

The Leviathan begins to break free of the stone, bringing Ruby back to panic. But not for long as Cordovan takes over, having dis-attached the broken arm and uses the other one to create a drill and truly destroy the Leviathan. She opens the cockpit to face Ruby personally, who thanks her and apologizes for her and her friend's actions. But, to my shock, Cordovan says that her forces can handle the remaining Grimm and that it's unlikely that anyone will take notice of one ship leaving in her report. Yes everyone, Cordovan is finally allowing Ruby and the gang to take the ship and go on to Atlas. Ruby smiles and rejoins the others as they head off.

Night falls and they have enough fuel to make it to Atlas. Qrow compliments Ruby as he gets his flask... before lowering his arm and telling her to not scare him like that again. He earns a hug from Ruby for that! As she walks off, Maria compliments Qrow on his efforts. While Qrow feels guilty for essentially causing so many issues, Maria points out that he still helped when the time came, and that was good. Qrow seems to be genuinely happy hearing this, complimenting Maria and how it was great to see the Grimm Reaper in action. With the others, Weiss apologizes to Blake for what she had to endure, but is glad that Yang was there to help her. Yang takes Blake's hand, saying that they were there for each other. It seems that the Bumblebee pair's relationship is restored... and may now be canon if Renora is anything to go by XD

Everyone turns to Ruby, Ren pointing out all the crazy but awesome stuff she did. Embarrassed, Ruby points out how Oscar managed to make a successful crash landing. Except... eh didn't. Oscar reveals that during the crash, eh got help... from Ozpin. While he didn't take control, he DID calm Oscar down and guide him on landing before vanishing again. Yang asks if he had been watching them this whole time, but Oscar isn't for sure. Guess we'll leave that open ended for now as Qrow tells them to come over and check out the view of Atlas. We get our first look, and... damn it looks AMAZING. You guys ever seen the Hayao Miyazaki film Castle in the Sky? Think that! There's only... one issue. There's an entire air armada guarding the city, as though awaiting an attack. Control welcomes the ship home, and cue the credits!

But of course, there's one more scene to talk about. First, the credit song Nevermore is AMAZING! It is very much a “Fuck you Adam: song and both Casey and a guest singer named Adrienne Cowan absolutely KILLED it. After hat though, we have of course the stinger. We see Emerald enter the meeting room, the windows still broken and the table still turned over. She sees Mercury and gets ready to apologize for Chapter 9... but sees that he is looking horrified. In a mirror to how the Mistral storyline began in Volume 4, Emerald looks out and is also horrified. Why? Salem is summoning an army of... those gorilla Grimm I can't remember the name of. But that's not all. With her powers, she gives them all wings. You know... kinda like those flying monkeys from that movie that also has a witch and a wizard named Oz. Hazel walks in, referring to an old saying “If you want something done right, do it yourself”. Salem continues to summon her Grimm as Volume 6 truly comes to an end.

Review

So... what did I think of the finale? Well.. give me a second. Taking in a deep breath... okay, here it goes: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

I LOVED IT!!!

Okay, we have a lot to go through, so lets get through the small stuff first. First, the stinger scares me. It's a great bookend, calling back to when the Mistral arc began so it's only appropriate that it end with Emerald and Mercury one more looking on in horror at the Grimm pools. Salem is clearly no longer fooling around and is taking matters into her own hands. It's great Wizard of Oz reference... that makes me very concerned about both Ruby and Oscar since IDK which one is meant to be Dorothy in this case, but still I AM CONCERNED. It's a very good way to end things and to leave us in anticipation for the next volume. Same for the beginning with Neo and Cinder, which again Cinder can go to Hell. But it was a nice scene and they look great in their new outfits. Hopefully this signals that RWBY will also get some new ones! Come on RT, GIVE THEM COATS AT LEAST!

Okay, let us talk about Ruby now. Dear God, RUBY. I've said this several times now, but she has been SO GOOD in this volume. Clearly CRWBY listened to the critiques about the last volume because they've just been killing it with her. This was, of course, the biggest moment for her. Ruby has truly grown and stepped up. She lead when everyone else gave up, she remained committed to the task despite all the doubt and uncertainty, and she did everything in her power to fight back and accomplish her goal. This is, by far, her greatest moment since beheading the Nevermore in V1. She chooses to fight, even when Argus refuses to aide her. She faces the Leviathan head on. She actually remembers about the Silver Eyes and uses what Maria has told her to turn the Grimm to stone. Yeah it didn't work fully, showing that she still has a long way to go to mastering her power, but she still pulled it off and the clever use of Jinn to buy herself time to regain herself was an AWESOME move. And Jinn let her get away with it! Nice!

The entire scene was just great. The flashbacks, while I again would have preferred actual footage or stills, still looked really nice. You could feel how Ruby felt, trying and at first uncertain before the dark memories come back. Then she tries again, much more confident, and uses the memory of her loved ones to unleash her power all on her own, Not out of trauma or fear. Not form Maria needing to guide her. No, she did it all on her own volition. Ruby is no longer that same naive girl form Volume 1 who asked Glynda for an autograph cause she was a Huntress. No, now SHE is the Huntress. She recognizes her responsibility. No longer is it a young girl's naive fantasy, but her sacred duty, and she WILL carry it out. And it wasn't only Ruby. Her teammates, who went to Beacon for personal reasons over the duty and were having serious doubts to their commitment, immideatly refuse to run and to fight on with zero hesitation. These kids have grown so much, and I couldn't be prouder.

I think my only issue is... well, Cordovan. While there is truth in her blaming the kids, she escalated it to unnecessary lengths with the mecha and refused to listen. And she gets away with it. She also takes a 180 on her attitude, which just feels unsatisfying. I mean I'm glad that she let them through, but she receives zero comeuppance for her actions and attitude. It wasn't enough to deter form the finale, but it DID leave me annoyed.

So guys, after one Hell of a journey, the team have made it to Atlas. Which as I said, it looks stunning. There is of course reason to worry since Ironwood's paranoia seems to have gotten worst, but at least they're being allowed in. So... what happens now? Hard to say. There's a ton of possibilities. Hopefully some new outfits, as I said. There's the Winter Maiden, Ironwood's state, potential STRQ stuff, and probably some consequences to this volume since they don't have Ozpin to talk Ironwood down now. With Cinder and Neo on their way, as well as Watts and Tyrian, we've got plenty of worry for our heroes. And of course, there's Penny's father and the Schnee family. A lot of things are coming up I imagine. But all for another time. For now, everyone made it safe and sound. And as a familiar song once stated “that's all that matters somehow.”

Final Thoughts

I don't think I need to emphasize how much I loved this chapter. Think I did that plenty. It was a great wrap-up to what I can now call my favorite volume of the series. I have one more review to do, a full RWBY Volume 6 review. After that, aside form any Character Shorts or stuff that comes out, I'll be done with RWBY until the Fall. So I will see you all in the season review, and thank you all for reading!

#rwby #rwby6 #rwby reviews #callie reviews

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greywindys · 7 years ago

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I just wanted to say that you are writing goals. do you have any favorite writers?

Lin-Manuel Miranda for everything, really, but most of all In the Heights. It was Lin’s work that illustrated to 13 year old me that simply telling stories about regular peoples’ lives can carry so much meaning and heart on their own, that you don’t need heaps of angst or action or suspense to tell a story that will touch people. I remember reading the summary on Wiki before we went to see it and thinking,”this is going to be boring! Nothing happens!” and then had my entire world rocked when I saw it. I also convinced that I’ve internalized this lesson and that it steered me away from continuing the original concept I had for TA and writing what I have now instead, because I didn’t need to create some brand new tragedy, the canon provided me with everything I needed. I still listen to the commencement he gave at UPenn for life motivation.

Junot Díaz for writing characters who both grow and fail, who you may not like but you understand, for including narratives of immigration in his work. His writing evokes a lot of emotion in me, idk what it it. I finished “This Is How You Lose Her” and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao a few years ago and there are passages about loss and yearning that still stick with me today.

Hanya Yanagihara for her beautiful descriptions. Like, I love her writing style - very detailed but without losing any emotion. A Little Life was a harrowing at times, but it paid off at the end. Her entire life is like, also goals (for me at least).

David Simon who is first a foremost a journalist, which provides an extra layer of realism to his fiction writing. I can also always trust that his shows will be realistic. Not to be another person hyping it up but like, The Wire, actually is one of the best shows to have ever aired on TV. Even if you don’t have the time to watch all of it I would recommend at least watching season 4 (I was crying by the end of it). I would also recommend his other shows/mini-series: “Show Me a Hero” (with Oscaar Isaac!!) and Generation Kill.

Greta Gerwig for Ladybird which was like, my favorite movie last year. I know a lot of people thought it was boring but so much of what Saoirse Ronan’s character goes through resonated with me from the private Catholic school experience, to the going to open houses with you mom even though you KNOW you can’t afford the house, the to depiction of friendships and relationships to the college application process. All the characters are so fully realized, too.

Colin Meloy of the Decemberists. Um, I love the Decemberists?? It’s been awhile since I openly stanned them here but I still do, most of all for their songwriting which ranges from heartbreaking to darkly humorous to just plain creepy. And “The Crane Wife 3″ never fails to make me cry. I’m serious about that. Like, you could play it over a clip of…I don’t know Family Guy or some movie starring Charlie Day and I would still find a way to start crying. Having the ability to inject THAT much feeling into something takes talent. I also always learn something when reading about the folk tales that inspire his music which I love.

Cormac McCarthy. I started reading him because my mom was reading one of his books for bookclub and it looked interesting lmao. But that doesn’t mean his books are for old people, in fact, I actually have no idea how my mom got through his work. I read Blood Meridian with a look of shock on my face the entire time, amazed at how gruesome yet immersive and beautiful the writing was (The Judge is probably one of the most terrifying villains I’ve ever encountered in fiction...he creeped me out more than Ramsay Bolton tbh.)

Jonathan Safran Foer. His personality is kind of pretentious IRL from what I hear but I loved Everything is Illuminated and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (the book, not the movie). I like his sense of humor and his characters as well as his experimentation with narrative structure and upon reflecting on it now I can see where he’s influenced me quite a bit.

Brian Yorkey. I actually don’t know if he’s a favorite writer of mine but I feel like have to include him because he wrote Next to Normal, and, not be dramatic but Next to Normal changed my life. It came out a year after In the Heights and I wasn’t sure anything would affect me the same way but Next to Normal played a role in shaping the way I understand people and their choices and their mistakes. It contains what’s probably one of my favorite lines from a song: Here’s what I say to the girl who was burning so brightly // Like the light from Orion above // And still I will search for her nightly // if you see her please send her my love (which also like…encapsulates what 2D feels for Murdoc in my story). I don’t know how Brian Yorkey went from N2N to whatever the hell 13 Reasons Why is but…for now I will give him a pass.

Aaaand that’s all I can think of for now. TBH I actually don’t have a lot of time to read outside of books for school. I read a lot of ethnography rn but I hope to return to fiction soon!

#asks.#i'm definitely missing people #but this was hastily put together...eh it's a start!#i also almost wrote a N2N au with the band processing the grief resulting from noodle's death post phase 2 but #decided against it because writing a fic where noodle actually dies just seemed rude lmao

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chimcharstar · 4 years ago

Note

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want.

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up...

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them.

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w h y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch!

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

#chatty #notthecanadianaverage #bug

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flowers-in-your-dustbin · 7 years ago

Note

All the numbers again (second tag reblog)

1: When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More milk than cereal cause I like to drink it!

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Yeah, but when I can get into the warmth after that's even better!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I try to remember the page number instead so usually end on a multiple of 10 or 5.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea: Two sugars, milk, hopefully brewed by the gal. Coffee: I don’t!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Kinda!

6: do you keep plants? Nope!

7: do you name your plants? None to name!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Oils if I had the money for that so typically watercolours

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I am right now.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Typically side, but back is fine. Not stomach really!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? Oh My Gouda.

12: what's your favorite planet? Uranus ;)

13: what's something that made you smile today? My gal surprised me with a beautiful orchid

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Edgy expose brick aesthetic

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Uranus’ blue glow is due to an abundance of methane which filters out red light.

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Spaghetti carbonara probs! Especially cooked by the best.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I don’t! I did want pastel pink in August.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I had a paddy fit in primary school because I used to always sabotage my meals so I didn't eat them but I spilt milk on something I legitimately didn’t mind having... I cried over spilt milk.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I do! I write the days events and my feelings, I draw key points or little objects. Not all the time tho.

20: what's your favorite eye color? A nice hazel-y to chocolate amber brown woop

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. A grey Kanken Fjallraven, if Switzerland counts as hell, there you have it.

22: are you a morning person? Yeah! I’m straight too!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Exactly that, nothing. With a side of music.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Only the one.

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? An abandoned slaughterhouse. Soz vegans

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Black old skool vans hehe original

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Strawberry!

28: sunrise or sunset? Why not both in a day?

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? I’m not sure!

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? I’m not sure, close calls/

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I like socks. Weird socks are fun. So are odd ones. I do not sleep with my socks, nor do I confine myself to white sock hell.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. We had deep convos for the time, we probs cried, then probs went to sleep.

33: what's your fave pastry? Uh choux just cause I can remember that is one. Hahahaha.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had one called Baxter Bear which was the best, he was quite obviously a bear with a red scarf and his own passport. I threw up on him in the car and he was never the same again, he disappeared short after. Don’t ask about Scrubs the dog.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I do, I just don't use them often.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? The xx

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? A healthy middle.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! Couldn’t possibly. There’s a fair few.

39: what color do you wear the most? Probably black? Emo ik.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I own a necklace I got for my 16th its very cute and only comes out when I have heterosexual days to masquerade it. It’s nice.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, it’s my favourite ever. I don’t read as much as I used to, sigh.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! There’s a cute local one. They do unreal Nutella pancakes and its quite central and very aesthetic-y. Yum!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My gal, typically on the way to my car where I point out Orion or The Dipper. It’d be nice to do it properly sometime.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Two days ago.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? When I need to.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Someone mentions a dog, then I normally incorporate the word ‘ruff’ as a homophone for ‘rough’ and get death stares. But I like it.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Gherkins.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Abandonment/loneliness hahahah yes it is.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I do like buying records yeah! I can’t say until April the 23rd but I’ll have bought another by then.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? I don’t think I do have anything odd!

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Uncomfortable by Wallows, as well as Fast Food by D.I.D and many many more.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? The new Patrick one is doing pretty good.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Nope, nope, nope and nope!

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My dog. I didn't walk him.

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Hahahah you wouldn’t want to know.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Feeling secure with them, if you get me.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? CAN YOU DO THE FANDANGO!?!?!

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? K is probs the wine mom bc I'd say A but she’s not as sensible, thus A gets the Aunt role.

59: what's your favorite myth? Bulls hate red, they’re actually colour blind lmao.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I don’t mind a bit of poetry! Marking Time by Owen Sheers is noice.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? Me and mum put a fancy brooch in a pack of digestives for someone. I’ve received stupid spellings of my name on the birthday cards.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Rainbow order woop.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yep!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Cutesy and white and blue and stuff idk. But I wouldn't wear one haha.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Serene! Albeit Silent Hill-esque

68: what's winter like where you live? Fun! Cold! Disruptive!

69: what are your favorite board games? The Game of Life/Monopoly/Articulate!

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nope!

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? English Breakfast, brewed by the girlfriend.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? I've been known to be.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Overthinking. Nail biting.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Ginger.

75: tell us about your pets! A doggo! A beagle! and a fish...

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Revising!

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? anyone in the fanclub needs natural selection to do its thing.

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Surprised me at work with flowers.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? White, because I’d like grey but we haven’t got there yet or painted the house since its still pretty new.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. I don't have the time for that shit.

82: are/were you good in school? I was! I still think I am! Who knows.

83: what's some of your favorite album art? Smithsmithsmithsmithsmiths

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Yeah! Quite a few. All tonal, but above all a Venus sign and more importantly the great wave off Kanazawa by Hokusai

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don't fun fact I used to read them start to feel sick.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I feel stupid for not knowing what they are.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Donnie Darko.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not Gothic. Can’t go wrong with a bit of impressionism.

89: are you close to your parents? I think. Depends on the time of day.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Starts with E, ends in Dinburgh.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Nowhere abroad really, just a couple of good cities.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Barely sprinkles, but I have a drowner with me to compensate.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Down. Full stop.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My girlfriend’s. mum!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Work, a party, a Harry Potter film, a sad Sunday.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I leave them for as long as possible

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ENFJ/Pisces/Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Hah idk.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Nude - Radiohead is the one I’m thinking at the mo’ and I can’t think past that.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Future. Don’t need to lament on the past when I hope I have a good one ahead of me. Then from there I'd click 5 back so I’m right back to where I am, cheers.

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aeannerambles-blog · 7 years ago

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Hot Chocolate

(Or the time Maia learns that some wishes do come true.)

I watched the sunrise from my bed, not being able to fall asleep the night prior. It was already six o’clock in the morning, and I could already tell that I’m going to be dead tired today. I sat on my bed in my empty apartment, staring up at the ceiling as clips of scenes from the previous day looped in my head like a movie - kind of like feeling him lean towards me so that he could hear me better when I spoke, kind of like feeling his arms next to mine and mine craving to graze his even just a little bit, kind of like feeling ten thousand butterflies fluttering their wings all over my system when he’d sat a little bit too close, or stood a little bit too close, or anything a little bit too close and I’d feel him a little bit too close. It almost feels silly to feel like this, especially when all we’d done was hang out at Winzel, our favorite coffee shop right down the street of my apartment, and it wasn’t even anything special, honestly. He asked me to help him edit an essay that he’d been writing for an exchange of a cup of my favorite hot chocolate and strawberry filled crepes. It’s funny that he knew the way to my heart without even asking for directions.

My heart feels weird, and an annoying pang in my chest won’t leave me alone. I always feel like this when it comes to him, regardless of what he does - let it be a stupid text or actually just being in his presence. The thing though, is that I can never actually tell what is going on between us. He’s my best friend, and he’s always been there for me, so naturally he knows exactly what to do to pull the little strings connected to my heart. It’s like one moment he hugs me a little bit too long, seemingly never wanting to let go, and then the next moment he’s gushing about some girl that he’s been crushing on.

I think maybe I’ve just been obsessed with the haze of the moment, but some moments are only beautiful in that moment that it happened, and once it’s over, so is the beauty of it. Maybe I’ve possibly liked him so much that I’ve deluded myself into over-analyzing the littlest things he does. Maybe sometimes when he lets me wear his jacket, it’s only because I was dumb enough to wear a thin sweater in the midst of New York’s winter, and he’s nice enough to let me freeze to death. Maybe sometimes when he wraps me in his arms, shushing me with the gentleness of his voice in the middle of my Oscar-worthy breakdowns, it’s only because he’s my best friend and he feels as if he’s responsible for the health of my well-being. Maybe there was nothing he’s trying to reciprocate, so then there shouldn’t be anything that I should be reciprocating.

I decided to stop moping and dragged myself out of bed. I put on the bunny slippers that he’d gotten me last Christmas to prevent my feet from getting cold, and looked out of the window to watch the busy streets wake up with the sunrise. I sighed blissfully and smiled to myself. The window had frosted with tiny little snowflakes clinging on the glass. Winter has definitely awakened, and New York is buzzing with Christmas feelings all over the atmosphere. From the distance, I could see children building snowmen, and sparkling lights and festive garlands have made their way on the walls of each neighboring building across my apartment.

I touched the cold glass of the frosted window and shivered, opening the blinds fully to let some sunlight in the room. I picked up my phone from my nightstand and scrolled through the notifications piling themselves on my screen, when his name had popped up with two texts from last night that I didn’t even see.

12/12/2017 10:28pm - From: Ian Thanks for helping me. It’s much appreciated, really. Gotta email you the finale when I finish it. (PS you’re my actual hero, you know that? God what would I do without you? Idk but I don’t wanna find out)

12/13/2017 3:09am - From: Ian Can’t sleep, you up? Down for some late night NY pizza? Cin showed me this new place down 5th ave, they’re 24hrs and so good

My heart fluttered at the first message, and my cheeks felt warm at the thought of him saying that he doesn’t want to be without me. Then, just like that, it all dissipated as he brought up Cindy. He’d met her online a few weeks ago, and I guess that they’ve clicked. He told me that they’ve met up a few times, and it’s obvious that he’s hardcore crushing on her because he honestly can’t shut up about her lately. Whenever we’ve talked, it’s always about something funny she said. Whenever we’ve hung out, it’s always about something cute that she did while they were hanging out. It felt never-ending, and it’s honestly kind of torturous every single time. It’s, like, damn it. He can’t ever allow me to melt for five seconds before freezing into oblivion the next second another girl comes flying out of his mouth. I rolled my eyes and grunted, tossing my phone on my bed and heading to the bathroom in pure annoyance; half because I wish he would just realize how hard I’m pining for him, and half because I’m frustrated with my own damn self. I got in the shower and vowed that as soon as I get out, his number is to be blocked until I can finally drill his stupid name out of my skin and his stupid smile out of my mind.

And then I paused because, of course, I’m not actually going to block his number. I say all of these things like I’m tough as shit, but everyone in the universe knows that he makes me all sorts of soft. I struggle going through a day without speaking to him, how would I ever believe myself when I say that I’m going to block him until I get over him?

When I got out of the shower, I quickly grabbed a bathrobe and wrapped it around myself. Then I proceeded to dry my hair and get dressed for my daily morning Winzel. I put on a black jacket and grabbed a pair of boots on my way out when I remembered that I left my phone on my bed. Upon grabbing my phone, I heard hard knocking coming from the front door so I swiftly made my way back to the living room, wondering who the hell would be knocking this early in the morning.

“I’m coming, Jesus, I’m coming!” I yelled at the person who’s still banging on my door, struggling to unlock the door with gloved hands.

When I’d finally unlocked it, I swung the door open with a very angry expression on my face, revealing a freezing Ian in a thin sweatshirt, worn out jeans, and a pair of snow boots. His hands were full with two large cups, Winzel’s Coffee Co. written between two coffee beans forming a heart, and a bag with the same logo was hanging from his arms. Snow glistened all over the beanie on top of his messy hair, and his lips were shivering hard from the cold. Did he walk all the way from his apartment, to Winzel, to here?

“G’morning,” he grinned and gave me one of the cups, “care for some hot cocoa?”

“Thanks,” I frowned, “why the hell were you banging on my door so early in the goddamn morning? You had me scared that cops were ought to get me for a meth lab I didn’t know I was running.”

“Why would the cops-... never mind.” he shook his head in amusement before letting himself in, and plopping on my beat up three year-old couch. God, I have to replace that. “You’re so weird sometimes, it amuses me.”

“You’re the weird one,” I said as I followed him and sat beside him, “what’s up?”

“What? I can’t bring my best friend her daily morning Winzel?” He scrunched his nose as if he was offended that I don’t seem to appreciate him, when in reality I appreciate him more than words could ever say. “I know how grumpy you get when you don’t get your daily dose of hot chocolate.”

“Can you blame me?” I stuck my tongue out before taking a sip. “Yummy. Warm. Creamy. Chocolatey. Winzel.” He let a throaty laugh out, and I suddenly felt a lump in my throat that nearly choked me, but I swallowed it back down.

“You’re not going to ask what’s in the bag?” He wiggled his brows, lifting the bag up in the air to emphasize that he’d gotten more than hot chocolate.

“I am, actually,” I said, “I don’t smell strawberry crepes, so what could it be?”

He just grinned and put his coffee on the mahogany coffee table before unpacking the plastic bag. He took two takeout foam containers and plastic utensils, handing one to me and keeping one to myself.

“Nope,” he shrugged, “a little birdy told me you’ve actually been dying to try their new Brussel waffles, so you’re welcome.”

I opened the box and sure enough, two rectangular waffles were stacked on top each other, with whipped cream, banana, walnuts, and chocolate sauce on top. My stomach quietly grumbled at the sight; if it looked good in the pictures, it looked and smelled even better in real life. I recalled telling him yesterday that I wanted to try it, but in fear of betraying my usual order, I decided to be loyal and ordered my usual strawberry filled crepes instead. I looked up at him with a bright smile, and he grinned proudly, as if he’d just accomplished a life goal.

“Well?” He shrugged. “Waddya waitin for? Let’s eat.”

I just rolled my eyes at him playfully and dug in, and neither of us said anything anymore after that. We both got quiet, enjoying our Brussel waffles and both too busy stuffing our mouths to say a word. I started to regret not getting this any sooner, because my strawberry filled crepes might be a classic, but this is damn good.

After a little while, Ian kept looking at me and at first, I thought he was just making sure I’m actually enjoying the food rather than just pretending because I feel bad that he made an effort to do this or something, but it started feeling weird after so many times.

“What?” I furrowed my brows. “Do I have something on my face?”

He grinned, dimples popping out of his cheeks as if they were taunting me to place a kiss on each of them. “So,” he started, “I took your advice and went for it.”

I raised an eyebrow to egg him to continue, but he took another pause to take a bite of his waffle and gulp down a rather big sip of his coffee. Then, he placed his fork down and looked me in the eye as if he was about to tell me that he’d found the cure to cancer.

“What I mean is,” he finally said after his long pause, “I thought about what you said yesterday, and you were right. I do let opportunities kind of just pass by because I’m a fucking pussy, but you were right that maybe I do deserve happiness too.” I smiled at his words, proud that he finally listened to me. In the years that we have known each other, Ian’s always held back on great opportunities because he’s always felt like he doesn’t deserve to amount to anything, even when I think that he’s too good for the whole entire world itself. “So,” he continued, “Cin and I are kind of a thing now.”

I almost choked on a walnut at his final sentence, and my smile had suddenly gone away. It’s as if the world had stopped spinning, and I’m clueless as to what even to say back to him. Do I say I’m happy for him? I mean, you know, for unselfish reasons, of course I’m happy for him. I can tell that he really likes this girl, and it’s not like he’s been the one to date around because like he said, he’s always let opportunities pass. He’s just always silently crushed on girls without actually doing anything about it.

“Oh,” I forced myself to say something - anything - because he was looking at me like he was waiting for my response, “thanks for the food, Ian.” I forced a smile, but he looked disheartened at my response. What was he expecting me to say?

“I mean, Cin’s so cool, you know?” He said before taking another bite of his waffle. “I was hoping we could plan something so you can meet her. Maia, you’re my bestest friend and your approval means a lot to me, you know that.”

“You don’t need my approval,” I tried to not sound as monotonous and careless as I could, but the annoying pang in my chest had gone back and I could actually feel my heart sink down and roll out of my own ass. “You’re my bestest friend too, Ian, I’m happy when you’re happy.” And if she’s what makes you happy, albeit my desires for it to be me, so be it.

I felt silly and dramatic, like some high school kid who was turned down to go to prom with her stupid high school crush. Except, of course, Ian was actually my prom date. But that’s not the point. The point is that as his best friend, it’s my duty to be happy for him because his happiness is genuinely my priority. But as someone who has fallen hard as shit for him? It’s kind of complicated.

I mean, who can blame me, anyway? Ian is gorgeous, there’s no denying that. And I mean this in the most Ian-might-have-been-the-most-gorgeous-man-to-roam-Earth kind of way; with his dark hair, broad shoulders, almond eyes, dimpled cheeks, and plump lips. Who the hell wouldn’t fall for him? It’s almost surprising me that I’ve only recently realized how much I actually liked him, honestly. I guess we’d been so close for so long that I’ve only ever imagined myself as his best friend, until months ago when one of our mutual friends, Ari, had pointed out that the way I always talk about him kind of indicates that I look at him as someone who is, I don’t know, more than my best friend?

“Means a lot to me, Maia,” he smiled before coming closer to place a peck on my forehead, “I have to go. I told Cin I’d pick her up for work. You want me to take the trash on my way out?”

“Yes, please.” I said quietly as my cheeks were still tingling from the warmth of his lips on my forehead. “Leave my hot cocoa, I’m not done with it.”

“Of course.” He laughed and just like that, I was watching him walk out of my apartment, and it was empty again.

The following week after Ian told me about Cindy, we’ve been speaking less and less. Mostly because all he’s talked about is her, and as much as I’ve forced myself to be happy for him, I was beginning to feel weary and grow tired of hearing the same things. It got a bit worse five days ago, when he’d told me he was skipping out on our Christmas tradition because Cindy had invited him to her Christmas party with her roommates and a few of their friends. I guess I’d stopped responding to him out of pure juvenile pettiness, but it wasn’t like I didn’t have the right to be upset either.

Every year, Ian had spent Christmas with me by bringing rented movies, microwavable popcorn, and a Swiss Miss hot chocolate gift set. We’d always picked a designated Christmas movie a week prior, and he picks everything up from a nearby Walmart during Christmas week. Both of us have an array of mugs that we’ve collected from this tradition, as the gift set always comes with matching mugs.

This tradition actually started the year that my parents decided to separate around Christmas time, and he walked to my house with It’s A Wonderful Life and a Swiss Miss gift set to try and cheer me up. And then, when midnight comes, before he goes back home, he tells me to make a Christmas wish; something that neither of us can tell each other until it comes true. (I’d always wished that my parents would get back together, but I only grew annoyed each year every time I realized that that’s far from reality. Then, he became my Christmas wish, but that doesn’t look like it’s close to reality either. Basically, wishes suck because that’s all they are: wishes.) He kept up with this even after we graduated, gone to college, and moved to our own apartments. That’s what Ian’s always been good at: keeping up with me.

Until now, I guess, that some things have changed. I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s nothing but a silly tradition that probably didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me. Maybe it’s gotten a bit old for him, and as we grow older, so do certain things in our lives. Still, I can’t shake away the infuriating feeling deep in my stomach. It’s like my brain is failing to wrap the concept that Christmas just won’t be the same this year.

Three days before Christmas, I decided that it would be best to just shrug it off, and tried to book a flight to Chicago to spend Christmas with my sister, Mila, and her husband and kids instead. I wasn’t about to stay in this apartment to mope all holiday, when I could spend it with my sister and her family. Plus, I haven’t seen my nieces in over a year, and I do miss them badly. I’ve always wanted to be around as they grow up, but mine and Mila’s lives have both gotten a bit too hectic, and keeping up while living in two separate states isn’t exactly easy.

My phone rang, interrupting my trail of thoughts. I paused the show that I’ve been half-attentively watching on Netflix to walk over to the marbled countertop where my phone laid flat. When I saw that it was Ian (of course - he’d been texting and calling me relentlessly, but I’ve been too busy being dead set on not speaking to him), I hovered over the decline button for three more rings before I finally decided to just let it ring. Maybe when I finally decide to talk to him, I can just say that some things came up. He’d understand. He always understands.

Recently, every time he called, he’d give up after two or three tries of being straight right to my voicemail. But for whatever reason, it wasn’t the case this time. He’d called five times now, and when I ignored his most recent call, he just called right back again. I was growing tempted of blocking his number, but of course I can’t do that because I think that’s kinda pushing it to the extremity of actual immaturity.

I’m starting to grow tired, but it’s kind of like the fatigue that no sleep could really fix. It was the kind of tiredness that I feel more towards myself, and often I find myself wishing that I had the power to transport myself into a different body just so I could try being someone else for the day. I don’t really have an answer as to why, but I know for a fact that much of that reason comes from the gaping hole that I have been feeling right in the middle of my chest. I miss Ian badly. I’d always thought that we completed each other. And of course it’s my fault that we aren’t speaking right now, but it’s like I’m stuck in an exasperating cycle.

A vexing cycle that has been leaving me restless and torn in the middle of the night, when the apartment is quiet, the streets outside are as loud as ever, and the growing anxiety I feel in my veins are deafening. In this cycle, I find myself constantly pacing back and forth my room, both torn and confused whether I should just say fuck it and call him. I owe him an apology, and I definitely owe him an explanation. But what do I even say? I’m sorry, Ian, I haven’t been talking to you because I’m a selfish, fucked up individual, who has been secretly pining over you and I couldn’t take the fact that you’re happy with someone else. God, I’m an awful mess.

Having enough of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to mess with my courage and picked up the phone, hovering over my call logs and scrolling through what feels like a thousand hundred missed calls from my very own best friend. I paused for a minute before inhaling a sharply and pressing on the screen to call him back. It only took one ring before he finally picked up.

“Maia!” He almost yelled, as if relieved to finally hear from me. “Geez, where the hell have you been? I’ve been texting you, calling you, but nada. Are you avoiding me? Maia, are you okay? Did I do something wrong? I’m really concerned.”

“I’m fine,” I spoke lowly, like I’m not actually excited to talk to him when in reality, I missed his voice so much, I felt a lump in my throat. “Really sorry about that, things sorta came up, I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was ignoring you or anything like that.” I tried really hard to sound convincing, but my shaky voice was starting to betray me.

“Fuck that,” he almost sounded annoyed, “you always tell me when things come up. Is everything okay? Please be honest with me.”

“Yeah,” I scratched my forehead, going back on the couch and plopping down, my eyes fixating on the screen in an attempt to distract me from the panic that I feel deep in the pit of my stomach. “Don’t worry so much about me, okay? I’m fine, honest.”

“I’m just.” He sighed in frustration. “I’m worried about you. Can I see you? Is it about Christmas? I’m so sorry for missing it, we can do something tomorrow morning if you want.”

“Ian, I am fine.” I said firmly this time. “Honest. Stop freaking out. Don’t worry about Christmas, it’s not like it’s a big deal anyway. Plus, I’m going to Chicago, and my flight is tomorrow.”

“Chicago?” I could imagine him with a frown. “Can I see you tonight?”

“Um,” my voice shook with hesitation, but I decided to go with it anyway. “Sure, but I’m currently mid-episode of The Defenders, so you’d have to wait.”

“Yeah, fuck that,” he laughed, “I’m five minutes away, on my way over.”

“What?” I scrunched my eyebrows. “So were you just about to show up at my place because I wasn’t returning your calls? Aren’t you supposed to be at Cindy’s right now?”

“See you in five, Maia.” He said before hanging up.

I stared at my phone for a second after he hung up and bit my tongue so hard, I started to taste blood. I had so many things that I wanted to say to him, but I decided to seal the bottle instead. In about a week, none of this would honestly matter anymore, and I felt bad that I worried him that bad because of something so inconsequential.

I suddenly feel a surge of self-hatred for being so selfish. All these years, Ian’s always had my back and he’d always made sure that I have only what’s best for me. And all I could do is avoid him the moment that he’s with another girl, when I’d never even made it clear to him that I have really strong, developing feelings for him. It’s really selfish of me to worry him like that and make him think that he’d done something wrong, when it’s all my fault.

It’s all my fault because I can’t muster up any fucking courage to tell him how I feel about him, in fears that it would ruin our friendship. It’s all my fault because I shouldn’t have fallen for him to begin with, when I knew that it came with the risk of losing everything that we’ve ever had. It’s all my fault because I keep hoping that maybe he silently fell for me too, when he’s never even made a move, or shown any signs of reciprocation. It’s all my fucking fault, and god, I hate myself for it. What kind of a friend am I, honestly? A shitty, selfish, self-absorbed friend, that’s what.

But in all honesty, everything feels kind of out of my control. I want to talk to Ian, and be there for him, and be happy for him, but hearing him talk about Cindy hurts far too much. I want to take all of the annoying pain, shove them all in a bottle, and seal the bottle; but that also feels wrong. Everything feels wrong.

I let a frustrated breath out and tossed the remote somewhere in the living room. Then I finally heard a knock, and as soon as I opened the door, Ian looked like he was nearly exploding. As usual, he’s holding a large Christmas gift bag and a never-ending grin was plastered on his face. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“If my hands weren’t full, I’d suffocate you in a big hug right now.” He said as he was letting himself in.

“What is this? Peace offering?” I joked, following him inside after locking the door behind me.

“No, but guess what.” He looked so excited, brown eyes glimmering with delight and dimples popping out of pure joy.

“Hm?” I cocked my brow in curiosity, quietly praying that this isn’t about Cindy again. I honestly don’t know if I can take it.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he handed me a paper bag and looked at me expectantly, like it’s on cue that I should open anything he ever hands me, ever. I peeked inside the bag and my heart skipped a beat as I carefully took what was inside out. Two sets of matching PJs, a box of microwavable popcorn, a blu-ray copy of The Polar Express, and of course: a box of Swiss Miss hot chocolate powders. This time, he opted out of the gift set. Instead, there were two white mugs that have been personalized. There were little snowflakes all over it, and in the front, two kids are sat in front of the TV while drinking out of matching reindeer mugs.

“Oh my god,” I whispered in awe, “this is so sweet.”

“Do you see what they’re watching?” Ian smiled warmly, looking down at me as I studied the mugs more.

I looked closely, and my heart jumped. The TV displayed what seemed like a cartooned version of It’s A Wonderful Life. Ian had personalized the first night of our tradition into a mug.

“So,” he sighed happily, “go change into the PJs, I’ll pop the movie in and get the popcorn and hot cocoa ready.”

I nodded with a beam, leaving for a second to go into my room and change. When I’d gotten back out, we were both wearing a white pajama with candy canes all over them, and a matching sweater - his with Santa Claus, and mine with Mrs. Claus. He gave me a thumbs up, grinning and patting the seat on the couch next to him. I sat next to him and grabbed a handful of popcorn, and putting some in my mouth. Ian grabbed the remote and started the movie, and we both silently enjoyed it.

Towards the end of the movie, as the conductor was getting ready to drop the children back home from the North Pole, I started running out of hot chocolate. I whispered to Ian that I was going to the kitchen to make more, and he paused the movie and let me know that he would wait for me.

I went to the kitchen to grab more hot chocolate from the box, finishing what was in my mug before opening another packet. But just as I was about to pour the powdered chocolate into the mug, I noticed that there was something written on the bottom.

To Maia. I love you. Always, Ian.

I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He really went above and beyond with this mug. I wonder how in the world did he think of this. I continued making my hot chocolate and when I got back to the living room, I sat next to him and just stared, smiling. He furrowed his brows and scrunched his nose at me, mumbling ‘weirdo’ underneath his breath. I laughed.

“I love you too.” I said. “This has been really sweet.”

“Ah, you saw it.” He sat up straight and looked at me. “I love you, Maia.”

“I know,” I smiled, “I love you too, Ian.” Except I mean it differently.

He smiled at me one more time before looking forward again and pressing play. What he’s done is really thoughtful, but I was starting to get that feeling again where my heart rolls completely down my chest and out of my own ass. I was back to silently wishing that all of this could last forever. He’s been my Christmas wish for quite some time now, but I know that once this is over, we’re going back to being the best of friends and he’s going back to pining over other girls while I pine over him.

I tried to shake the feeling away in fears of ruining the night, but it got worse and worse as the night progressed. I was starting to over analyze everything again, like whenever he’d lean and rest his head on my shoulder, or every time we’d both grab popcorn and our fingers would brush each other, or every time he’d smile at a scene that he knew I liked and would look over at me to see if I’d give the same reaction I’ve been giving for years. But at some point, it all felt too much and my body went through overdrive. I grew quiet and a bit distant, hesitating to touch neither the popcorn nor my cup of cocoa, and only half paying attention to the movie as my night slowly evolved into a lot of unnecessary over thinking.

“Maia,” he spoke quietly and I realized that the movie was over, “is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I panicked from all of the pent up anxiety I was feeling, “what’s up?”

“You’re being horribly quiet,” he sat up and faced the way that he did earlier, “you’d tell me when something’s wrong, right?”

“You’re being silly,” I chuckled nervously, “I’m okay. You leaving soon?”

“No,” he shook his head, “not til we get our midnight Christmas wish.”

“But Cindy’s party-”

“Maia,” he interrupted me, “I’m here, okay? If I wanted to be there, I would be there.”

“But aren’t you, like-”

“Maia,” he interrupted me again with a low laugh, “I’m here.”

I tried to give him a smile, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom in the lower part of my stomach. I felt tsunami waves paving their way in the corners of my eyes, making me bite the insides of my cheek in an attempt to blink them away. God, why am I like this?

Ian just looked at me intently, studying my face as concern overflows his entire face. His jaw locked, eyes furrowed into a deep brown. He reached out to touch my fingers, but I flinched back.

I was starting to really feel like an anxious mess, like I’m just waiting for the next panic attack to erupt in the room. My heart jumped crazily, feeling like it was making its way to my throat. My skin started breaking in cold sweat, and suddenly I forgot how to breathe.

Ian reached out for me again, and this time I didn’t have enough time to flinch. He intertwined his slender fingers with mine, pulling me in a tight embrace and placing soothing circles on my back with his other hand. He’d always been there in each panic attack, always been there to pull me in comfort. But this time, it’s different. This time, he’s the one making me anxious, so quite honestly, even being in his presence is sending me to overdrive. I feel so dumb. Why am I so dumb?

“Maia,” he spoke quietly, “it’s okay, you’re okay, everything will be okay. When you’re ready, please talk to me.”

“I’m okay,” I said in between heavy breaths, breaking away from his touch, “I’m sorry, I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” he laced his fingers with mine again and pulled me back in, “I know you’re okay.” Then, he let me go and cupped my chin with his thumb and forefinger before placing a warm kiss on my forehead. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too,” I croaked with a nod, my heart skipping a beat. I wish it would all stop. Maia, please get a hold of yourself and make it stop.

He rubbed my back again, and I silently thanked the sweater for covering up the goosebumps that are annoyingly waking all over my arms. I don’t know how he does this, but he’s had a special way of making nerves spark from the bottom of my spine all the way down to the very tip of my fingers.

He just stared at me for a moment, not saying a word anymore. Dimples pressed on his cheeks as he gave me another warm smile. He grabbed my hands and studied them, placing a soft kiss on each finger. I could feel my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach, and ten thousand butterflies danced their way into my system. Why is he like this?

“Maia, I mean it.” He said slowly, “I really do love you.”

“I know you do,” I replied, “you’ve always been there for me.”

“No,” he shook his head with a quiet snicker, “you’re not getting it.”

“What am I not getting?”

“I love you.”

The room spun, and I couldn’t think straight. What the hell did he just say? Did he mean it in the way that I’d want him to mean it, or did he mean it in the way that Maia-you’re-my-best-friend-and-I-love-you kind of way?

I just stared at him, clueless as to what to say. What the hell am I supposed to say? What if he doesn’t mean it in the way that I was hoping? What if I reciprocate something that he wasn’t even trying to imply? I’m going to look so, so, stupid.

Then, before I could react or over think it even more, he pulled me close to him again. Warm, soft lips collided with mine, making my breath hitch and eyes shut. He pressed a long kiss on my lips, smiling awkwardly at me after he’d pull back.

“Ian, wait, I-”

“I’m sorry,” he almost looked sad, “I’m sorry for doing that, it’s just-”

This time, it was my turn to interrupt him. I leaned close to him again and pressed my lips on his, his arms slowly snaking their way around my torso. Millions of thoughts ran through my head, making me feel like my brain is about to explode and my lungs are about to cave in. Worries started to leave my mind one by one, and electric sparks pinched my heart. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Then, as if I was an expert on ruining every beautiful moment, I remembered Cindy and I abruptly pulled away from our kiss. Right. It was only days ago when he’d come over just to tell me that they were a thing.

He looked at me with confusion, but I just can’t bring it to myself to allow this to happen when at the back of my mind, I know that he’s with someone else. I know that I’d been selfishly wishing for this to happen somehow, but knowing that this is happening in exchange of another person’s happiness is making me feel like an utter shit. I may be selfish, but I’m not a vile person.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Cindy.”

He looked me in the eye with a cocked brow before bursting out in laughter. I looked at him in pure confusion. What’s so funny about what I just said? Did he magically forget about her?

“Right,” he breathed heavily when he finally recovered from his laugh, “we’re just friends. I only said that to you because I was testing your reaction. I didn’t know how you felt about me, and I just- it’s really dumb, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Wait what?” I frowned, “you lied?”

“Not necessarily,” he tugged on a loose skin on his bottom lip, “I’m so in love with you, Maia. I have been for a really long time now, but I’ve never been sure if you felt the same way. The way you reacted when I’d told you about Cin gave me all the answers I have ever needed.”

“God, you’re so stupid.” I joked, playfully hitting his arm and earning a grin from him. “Of course I love you. Are you dumb? It’s not exactly hard to fall in love with you, you jerk.”

“So you’ve felt the same way too?” He was suddenly serious.

“Yes,” I said after a deep breath, “but your dumbass always talked about other girls, so I thought there wasn’t anything I should be fighting for. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I tried to distract myself from going crazy over you. I tried to force myself into thinking that I like other girls just so it wouldn’t be obvious to you,” he said with a smile, interlacing his fingers with mine again like they were jigsaw puzzles, “I guess I was just scared. I didn’t want to make things awkward if you didn’t feel the same. I didn’t want to lose you as my best friend. Do you actually realize how terrified I was when you weren’t speaking to me all those days? I thought I’d lost you. I was frantic.”

Of course. I’d felt the same, which is why I never told him either. I was scared of rejection, but I was even more petrified of losing him. We’ve known each other - have been there for each other - in such a long time, that a simple honesty felt like a life or death situation. It’s kind of crazy.

“Ian, there’s not a single force in the universe that could ever take me away from you.” I squeezed his hands between mine, leaning closer to leave a peck on his dimpled cheek.

He smiled at me, eyes twinkling with undiluted adoration. “You’re my heart and soul, Maia, you know that? You’ve always been my Christmas wish.”

My heart jumped again, but this time, it wasn’t out of anxiety overfilling my veins. This time, it was completely out of solid, refined, genuine happiness. He’s always been mine, too. Who would have thought that my Christmas wish all those years ago would come true?

“That’s crazy,” I said. “You’ve always been my wish too.”

“You’re something else, you know?” He teased, pushing me down on the couch, and hovering over me; I could feel his breath so close to mine, I felt dizzy. “I’m purely, hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you, Maia.”

I looked up, and saw his gaze on mine; mahogany orbs that held all of the planets in the solar system together. My heart felt like it was going crazy, and each second felt like hours - like the time had suddenly stopped: the busy streets outside became quiet, the cars zooming through New York weren’t moving, the carolers stopped singing, Earth paused from spinning. Everything stopped, but the rush of memories from all of the years that we have spent secretly falling for each other kept flashing beneath my skin. It’s still crazy to think that any of this is true, but it’s something that I will never take for granted, that’s for sure. I could never take him for granted.

He squeezed me into his arms, face pressed against my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling him press light kisses on my neck. And suddenly, everything started moving again: the busy streets became loud once again, carolers continued with their jingles, and Earth was spinning.

It wasn’t until this moment that I realized how much time I’ve stupidly wasted secretly gushing over every little thing that he does, when he’d been doing the same thing, and all he needed was a confirmation - some sort of reassurance that there was something we both should be fighting for. And there was. There’s us. There’s us, and that’s worth fighting for. Starting now, I’m pretty sure there would be more of movies, and popcorn, and hot chocolate every year. Now I get to love him freely; free of worry and anxiety that I’m loving someone who I shouldn’t love in that way, free of that annoying pang in my chest whenever he mentions another name, free of all the bad things in the world. I get to be purely, hopelessly, and irrevocably in love with my best friend - my Christmas wish after all these years. He’s my wish come true, so maybe some wishes do come true after all.

#heres a little short story i scribbled #i write a lot during the holidays #christmas short #short story #christmas #hot chocolate

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bookwormcheerleader · 7 years ago

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i was tagged by @trevorfindsthestrals (LOOK i finally got internet access on my laptop again!! Sorry it took so long) 1. Coffee or tea? tea, i had my first cup of coffee on like thursday last week 2. Black and white or color? black or soft, but not pastel, colours 3. Drawings or paintings? idk, whatever is more moving in that moment i guess 4. Dresses or skirts? dresses because i never know how to match with a skirt 5. Books or movies? how DARE you make me choose, i think books, but i wanna make movies (potentially havent really explored that yet) so it seems like the wrong answer 6. Pepsi or Coke? i dont drink fizzy drinks 7. Chinese or Italian? definitely italian on an everyday basis but i LOVE chinese too 8. Early bird or night owl? its almost midnight and i havent started my reading for tomorrow, that counts as an answer right? 9. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate, unless its a milkshake 10. Introvert or extrovert? introvert, i don’t really like people 11. Hugs or kisses? ive never been kissed so hugs 12. Hunting or fishing? aesthetics of hunting but uh with fishing you can not put a hook on the line and just kinda sit there and chill without looking like the animal lover that your family judges you for being 13. Winter or summer? yes. idk im probably more of a summer person, but i also really like the implications of winter in that everything has to die in order to be reborn, plus i can’t really breathe in the heat, but i also have poor circulation in my extremities so the cold sucks ass 14. Spring or fall? spring, i like the crisp air of fall dont get me wrong, but the rebirth and the petrichor after a spring rain with a crisp breeze that doesnt chill you is just so relaxing 15. Rural or urban? i grew up in the woods so rural but i need to at least be kinda close to a hospital to avoid panicking 16. PC or Mac? pc 17. Tan or pale? is this preference, cuz i dont have one of those, but i am so white that i was the same color as my cheer uniform in high school 18. Cake or pie? cake, i dont like pie crust 19. Ice cream or yogurt? frozen yogurt tbh, it jsut tastes fresher and less heavy 20. Ketchup or mustard? my brother likes to mock me for how much i loved ketchup when i was like 7 as if it was yesterday 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? i dont like pickles 22. Comedy or mystery? can we do a hybrid where its like theyre fighting crime but have no ability to act serious, cuz im basically writing a comic book like that with @spectralflutterbeast 23. Boots or sandals? i live in a colder wetter climate so usually boots, but i love sandals 24. Silver or gold? i like white gold typically because its often a mix, it has the matching ability of silver with the warmth in color of gold 25. Pop or Rock? i grew up on steve miller and journey from my mom and simon & garfunkel from my dad 26. Dancing or singing? all i can think of is my shitty karoke the other night, so uh dancing, at least i don’t suck more at that when im drunk 27. Checkers or chess? checkers is easier and i could probably actually win, but chess is more likely to hold my attention 28. Board games or video games? we used to do family board game nights (im currently holding the winnign streak for clue because any games played without everyone dont count) (my extended family is also obsessed with card games, its how we bond, we talk shit and play cards) 29. Wine or beer? wine if i have to have one of these, i dont like fizzy stuff ever so no beer but wine dries out my mouth 30. Freckles or dimples? i have freckles, and i love it when people have dimples 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? i guess bbq 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? idk what body weight exercises includes but i have always liked lifting weights, its something im fairly good at 33. Baseball or basketball? BASEBALL IS THE BEST I LOVE IT, i miss playing it so much but its been too long for me to feel comfortable joining an intramural team 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? sudoku...i think 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? preference right, um stubble.... im not big on full beards (probs cuz my dad has always had one, seriously pics from when he was 20 we are the exact same but he has a beard, he says he hasnt shaved his upper lip since he was 16) clean shaven is nice too tho 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? i prefer no ice, but if i have to i like that ice you get in hospital cafeterias 37. Skiing or snowboarding? never been 38. Smile or game face? smirking, its the happy medium 39. Bracelet or necklace? i feel naked without any piece of my jewelry (watch on right wrist, a bracelet on my left, a necklace for me to fidget with, both sets of earrings) 40. Fruit or vegetables? fruit 41. Sausage or bacon? bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? scrambled unless its on toast 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? dark chocolate 44. Tattoos or piercings? i have two sets of piercings and i just got my first tattoo last month 45. Antique or brand new? antique unless its something i would feel like i couldnt be comfortable using, i always wind up with a very eclectic mix 46. Dress up or dress down? dress down, never really have a reason to dress up 47. Cowboys or aliens? cowboys, space gives me anxiiety 48. Cats or dogs? dogs 49. Pancakes or waffles? depends on who is making the pancakes 50. Bond or Bourne? uhhhh what 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? fantasy 52. Numbers or letters? letters 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? lotr tbh 54. Fair or theme park? fair, i grew up in puyallup (look it up, i can even sing the old theme song) 55. Money or fame? money, i want to buy my parents and aunt nice things 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? laundry (no icky wet food pieces!) {this is what @trevorfindsthestrals had i just could not have said it any better myself} 57. Snakes or sharks? ummm snakes? cuz theyre smaller and i can run from them if theyre dangerous 58. Orange juice or apple juice? orange 59. Sunrise or sunset? sunsets seem more satisfactory to me 60. Slacker or over-achiever?.....i dont’ know how to answer this question 61. Pen or pencil? pencil, unless im worried about it smudging, then i bought some erasable pens for that 62. Peanut butter or jelly? peanut butter is more filling but i make jam every year so theres that 63. Grammys or Oscars? oscars 64. Detailed or abstract? why cant we do both, like a painting that is overall abstract but the closer you get the more you see the things that make it what it is, ya know, like life 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? idk multiple choice questions are harder to get wrong for not having enough info about a particular topic, but im good at and enjoy bsing things 66. Adventurous or cautious? i wish i was more adventurous but insecurities 67. Saver or spender? yes 68. Glasses or contacts? i dont wear either 69. Laptop or desktop? laptop 70. Classic or modern? what medium 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? i would like a personal trainer until i get back in the habit of it and then i would jsut need a gym buddy 72. Internet or cell phone? cell since you cna get internet on your phone 73. Call or text? social anxiety so texting 74. Curly hair or straight? mine is beach wavy 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? ive been showering in the morning because i like what it does to my hair 76. Spicy or mild? spicy please 77. Marvel or DC? wonder woman was my first favorite character, like about the time that bugs life came out because i obviously had two and the other was Flick 78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? rent, i like assurance but i dont like permanence 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? never been but uh im not that trusting so i probably am jsut gonna go with a no 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? chewy chips ahoy 81. Jello or pudding? jello 82. Truth or dare? im a chicken so truth 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? roller coaster, ferris wheels are all of the fear with none of the fun 84. Leather or denim? I NEED BOTH I CANT CHOOSE 85. Stripes or solids? stripes and fat people lol no, solids for me 86. Bagels or muffins? bagels probably 87. Whole wheat or white? whole wheat 88. Beads or pearls? pearls, my mother was a jeweler for 13 years, i cant not 89. Hardwood or carpet? hard wood in a hall, tile or linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom and then carpet everywhere else 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? uhhhh for what, cuz it really depends 91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? i want to be like 34, not rn obviously, im enjoying being 20 and stupid, but i feel like 34 is a good age, of course thats abotu how old my bros were when i idolized them so that might be reflective of that 92. Raisins or nuts? raisins, partially because every time my dad sees nuts he says nuts for the nutty and it has become a conditioned response for me now 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? picnic 94. Black leather or brown leather? brown 95. Long hair or short hair? mines somewhere in the middle 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? wtf does the second even mean 97. Fiction or non-fiction? fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? i have asthma 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? i wish i could think before i talk more than i actually do 100. Asking questions or answering questions? i like to listen to people imma tag: @kiavachiisanoob @warriorsatthedisco @colecast1 and anyone lookinng for an excuse to do one of these

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